Precious painting time
My painting time is so precious. I have to work at making that space in my busy life - I have to fight off the 'musts' and 'shoulds' and all the other family, friend, pet, garden, home maintenance and business demands. (naming just a few) So, precious painting time means so much to me.
After getting to the studio and painting for a few hours I was so disappointed. Firstly it took a lot of effort to get there and I put in a lot of energy to paint and I do not like what I have created! I hate it.
Excited, I began with an idea, a mind picture of what I want to make. Full of enthusiasm I forgot already that ‘the mind picture’ is not going to be what I will end up with. The work and my ‘self’ go through a series of changes. Frustrating and challenging with emotional shifts from feeling connected to the mandala to feeling that I have lost it, I tried different techniques exploring mixing mediums and some new ways of applying the paint. I am attached to the original mind picture but already I can see that it is not happening. It is just not working out that way. I liked what I had before and now it is changed. It has gone and I cannot go back.
Frustrated I have to let go of that idea to progress. I know I need to go beyond it and so I decide to just do the next thing......whatever!
Now I come to a point where I can leave my mandala to rest. I think that right now this matches how I feel in my own life journey. I need to rest.