DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE IS A NORMAL OCCURANCE

Everyone has to deal with difficult people - often on a daily basis. We find them at work as customers or co-workers; in our family as children, teenagers, parents and spouses. Even our friends can react emotionally to situations. Everyone gets frustrated with the life’s limitations.  We can be difficult to deal with too!

The way you handle it depends largely upon the relationship that you have with that person. Keeping calm and clear headed and staying rational when people are being difficult is easier said than done. Emotions make it tricky. By understanding what motivates people to be difficult can help. Here are a few tips.

1. What do they want?

By being difficult we can get what we are after. This might be being heard, respect, attention, letting off steam, feeling important and valued, being understood or having something made right or fixed. By giving them what they want can satisfy their need and stop the behavior or it may inflame them making it worse.

A genuine request usually ends up well such as a person who is rightfully upset or angry, or a customer with a genuine complaint. If a person is a bully, back stabber or has an axe to grind nothing will satisfy them. Make clear boundaries on the behavior such as,” Mary, stop shouting. Speak to me in a normal tone of voice so that we can sort this out.”

2. Do not take it personally.

Filter out hurtful remarks, attacks and criticism and listen to the facts and other useful information.

Angry people often see their emotions as facts. Use these steps to defuse the situation.

·         Ask – ‘What did I specifically do or say that has upset you?’

·         Let them get it all out (Be calm and do not interrupt)

·         Tell them you appreciate them letting you know.

·         Ask them – ‘What can I do to make it right?’

3. Support yourself

Make sure your self talk supports you. Do not put yourself down or let you get put down.

Self talk “I can handle this well” “I can get through this and it will all work out”

4. Breathe and make space

When we are under threat we often hold our breath. Try to relax. Breathe deeply and give yourself more oxygen to think clearly. Make the space between you comfortable or change position if you need to. You may need to take a break or walk away to diffuse things.

5. Focus on a win/win outcome and be flexible to get it.

 Keep your ego under control. Do not seek to win. Look for a good outcome overall. Do not seek to punish.

6. Listen - acknowledge that you hear them AND understand their point.

Difficult people generally feel unheard, ignored or not valued. They can start shouting use abusive language, over exaggerate and generally get in your face. Show them you are listening – really listening (don’t fake it) by using appropriate responses and body language. When a person feels heard they often settle down.

7. We cannot change another person but we can change their behavior.

You are not trying to fix the person. Deal with the behavior. Their bad behavior is the problem and not them. Make sure they get that message too.

8. Be aware of what you say and how you say it.

Even though it may be really hard to do, be polite, courteous and reasonable. Sometimes silence is Golden. Bite your tongue if you have to.

9.Keep it simple.

Keep your responses clear and simple. Angry and upset people cannot take in much. Difficult people often have less abilities of communication. Keep your tone even, stay calm and say less.

10. Do not give away your power.

Many of our issues with difficult people come from the fact that they have very different beliefs from us or very different ways of communicating. Some people are just plain difficult. Accept it.

11. Don’t gossip or complain about the person.

Avoid complaining, going on and on about what they said or did unless you’re truly discussing the situation with an eye towards finding a solution to the problem. Getting yourself worked up and creating more negativity around the situation does not help. Stop doing that and you’ll find that some of the bad feelings dissipate.

12. Let go of grudges.

Many of us hang on to grudges towards the people that have been difficult in the past. This makes it hard to move on to a better relationship with them in the future. Learn to forgive and let go and work from this point forward.

13. Be real.

Even with the best intentions sometimes we cannot always get it right. Be kind and compassionate with yourself.... your best efforts are the best. Smile.

Looking for Art?

Art is everywhere - you just need to look. From the minute to the magnificent it surrounds us and fills the crevices of our busy lives with joy; with inspiration.

My garden is one of those places where art lurks ready to catch my attention and pull me away from my every day life concerns. For the past month we have been working daily and often until dark getting out garden ready. Getting it ready to delight, to entice others to discover and explore the beauty of this wondrous place. Why?

Because it is a place to share. We support our local fire brigade with the funds raised and we understand that such a special place supports the artist that is within all of us. SO much to see, to feel, to smell...to inspire. The garden is a great and endless giver. You just need to look.

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Garden Inspiration

There is magic in my garden - I know it.
Watching people explore, sit, photograph and wander through the different levels as they descended into our garden to return with smiles and such positive comments was inspiring. It made the days of sweat and sometimes tears as we prepared for an Open garden all worth while.

We were astounded at how it came together, the transformation of slopes and piles of rocks into sculptured terraces and winding pathways. Many days we kept working till darkness came and we climbed back up the hill to rest before returning in the morning.

Thank you to everyone who helped, who visited and supported the weekned. It was a fantastic experience.

OPEN GARDENS 2016

WELCOME!

We are opening our magical garden to the public for one weekend as a fund raiser for our local CFA. Joined with two neighbors this garden experience is just that bit more magical.

This year our theme is ‘Aqua’. Latin for water we see our garden as a place for reflection, stillness and connection. Our special addition is the turf maze or Labyrinth for you to explore. Mandala mosaics are set in pathways leading through arches into the neighbor Sonja’s native garden.  Here the local rock features add a unique quality with a vegetable patch that feeds the both families.

Walk across the road to view the superb garden of Elly & Leon Roos who are experienced gardeners happy to share their extensive knowledge. Their garden lies on the other side of the ridge facing north. It offers a paradise of colour and lushness specializing in Salvias and other rare plants. Explore and enjoy beautiful sitting areas with vistas into the Dandenongs.

Turf labyrinths, or 'turf mazes' were once found throughout the British Isles. Formed by cutting away the ground surface to leave turf ridges and shallow trenches, a single pathway leads to the centre of the design. Dated to the 16th and 17th centuries only 8 survive in the UK. There has been much speculation about why turf mazes were cut and what they were used for. Modern turf mazes are used to aid contemplation or meditation, much as a mandala would be.

We were inspired by discovering many of them in the UK, walking and experiencing this ancient art. Our Labyrinth is a medieval design as found on the floor of Chatres Cathedral in France.

You are invited and welcomed to a garden experience - something different, something unique. Bring your friends and have a devonshire tea in a spectacular setting.

DATES: Saturday 19th March and Sunday 19th March

TIMES: 10 am - 4.30 pm

Admission to all three gardens $10 Family pass $25

ALL PROCEEDS go to the Upwey Fire Brigade

ADDRESS 66,68 and 59 Ferguson Street, Upwey

 



FREE MANDALA WEEK 18

MYSTICAL CATS MANDALA

INTUITION

The only real valuable thing is intuition. Albert Einstein

Cats are associated with intuition and the magical, mystical side of life. Felines represent the feminine part of our nature, our sensual and sensitive side. The cat is independent and has the ability to see in the night, symbolic of the insights to be discovered deep within the unknown part of the self. Here, the black cat, represents the dark side of our secretive self which we fear and yet are drawn towards. The soft white cat is the playful, inquisitive one.

You are guided by a strong sense of knowing. There is no need to constantly analyze and intellectualize searching for a reason why. Go with your gut feeling even if others cannot see the sense in it. Trust yourself. The situation may require a less serious approach so try to playfully work it through. Cats are fabled to have nine lives so there is plenty of opportunity. You can afford to take some risks. You ‘know’ what to do.

AFFIRMATION: I am connected to my own inner vision and I am listening to the voice of my intuitive self.

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FREE MANDALA WEEK 16

   WHITE CRANES MANDALA

 

“The greater the contrast the greater the potential. Great energy only comes from a corresponding great tension between opposites.”

Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist.

OPPOSITES

White Cranes Mandala. In China the upward flying crane symbolized aspiration. The white body of the crane represented purity and its’ red head was the fire of life. This ancient symbol has long been associated with birth, regeneration and resurrection. It is the symbol of life itself.

The swirling central cranes bring our focus to the heart of the mandala, that magical place where new life begins. Depicted as a Yin Yang symbol it represents the primal opposing but complementary forces found in all things in the universe and the necessity of balance. It is a place of two opposites uniting and yet remaining separate.
It is here that the masculine (white) and feminine (red) energies come together in a perfectly balanced state.

This mandala reminds you of the universal principle of ‘opposites’. Joy and sorrow, masculine and feminine, light and dark, fearless and afraid, and all the other differing aspects of yourself that connect you to the power of creativity; they inspire you to question, to explore, to reason, to make and create. You are aware of the differences and contrasts between you and your loved one – there is opposition. This brings balance and power to your relationship. This mandala also brings news of renewed life or the birth of a special child.

AFFIRMATION: My consciousness expands to embrace a deeper understanding and acceptance of those that I love. My relationships are harmonious.

 

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FREE MANDALA WEEK 15

POPPY MANDALA

Sometimes things aren't clear right away. That's where you need to be patient and persevere and see where things lead.                                     Mary Pierce

PATIENCE

Poppy seeds can lie dormant for many years until the ground is disturbed or ‘churned up’. Sometimes emotional upheaval and the challenges of life unexpectedly bring out the best in us. Your instinctual responses for survival gave you the ability to lay down the seeds of your future, and wait for the right time to truly bloom.

The poppy is also the symbol of Morpheus, the Greek god of dreams who was the son of Hypnos. To ‘morph’ is to emerge in a changed state and the poppy symbolizes the ability to emerge when the time is right, transformed through adversity, into something magnificent.

What appeared to be a negative situation will have positive results. You have endured some very challenging times and fought hard to hold onto your dreams. It is time to breathe, relax and enjoy the outcome of your hard work. Your patience is rewarded. Finally the wait is over and you are open to accept your success.

AFFIRMATION: The past is a blessing because it has shaped me. The future is a blessing because I am shaping it. I embrace my well-earned success.

FREE MANDALA WEEK 14 (almost)

Christmas and then New Year are busy times for most. Lots of catching up with friends and celebrations. Here is the next mandala. Happy New Year!

POSSUM MAGIC MANDALA

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Possum Magic Mandala depicts possums, the moon and bats - all powerful symbols of our internal shadowy worlds.

The best vision is insight.’       Malcolm Forbes

REFLECTION

Considered a luminary the moon relies on the sun to reflect her light into the night. Symbolically the moon is our feminine nature that speaks to us at night through our dreams as we reflect and process powerful emotions and deep feelings encountered during the day.

The Possums and Moon Mandala, is about reflecting on a situation through passive and indirect deduction. Make the time to find the stillness, quiet, and solitude you need to hear your inner voice. The vast and deep darkness of the night represents your unconscious. It is full of activity and information that is unseen and beyond your ‘everyday awareness’. You are being guided by your inner knowledge. Pay attention to your dreams.

Trust your inner guide to get you through the dark times. Rest. Sleep. Like the possum hanging upside down you may only need to ‘hang in there’ and wait until dawn comes shedding a different light on the situation.

AFFIRMATION: My life is falling into place and all the love and healing that I have wished for is coming to me. Every breath I take heals and revitalizes me.

According to Shamanic beliefs the bat represents a rebirth and a chance to leave behind the ‘old life’ and begin anew.  Initiates undergo a ritual death in which they face their fears, put to rest past grievances and regrets and are metaphorically reborn without their old identities. Embrace the dawn feeling free from the weight of the past to walk into a new day. Enjoy.

AFFIRMATIONToday I am liberating myself from the shadows of my past. A bright new day dawns for me to begin anew.

FREE MANDALA WEEK 13

   ELEPHANT WALK MANDALA    

‘Real development is not leaving things behind, as on a road, but drawing life from them as on a root.’  G. K. Chesterton. Writer

SUPPORT

Elephants are social creatures that work together as a large family. Not only are they loyal but they have long lives and long memories. As a universal symbol the elephant brings good fortune and abundance.  They represent greatness and the ability to overcome life’s obstacles by moving through challenges that block our path. Elephants just keep moving , slowly and steadily forward.

This mandala reminds us that there are many benefits of being in a family, group or part of a society. Groups provide learning opportunities, support and strength. Groups share knowledge and combine forces to make progress. They are powerful motivators and can achieve great things.

Draw from your family or group experiences, feeling inspired, supported and empowered. Remember that you have their backing and that although your project is moving along slowly there is progress.  Stay motivated and strong. The outcome is great success.

AFFIRMATION: I have the support I need to be strong and powerful, easily and effortlessly making progress towards my goals.

CURIOSITY AND CARE

Curiosity and creativity are like best friends. They care about each other. They encourage each other to be all that they can be, to play, explore and create. They challenge each other to go that bit further, to try even if it is difficult or a bit scary. They support each other to be who they are.

On Sunday we shared our space for nine people to be curious. We asked them to explore and express, “ What you do not  know that you know. “ Think about that for a moment.

We called ourselves unlimited and began to play. Venturing into the world of imagination, through the process of the mandala, we found what did not know that we knew. The group supported each other sharing, helping and enriching the creative experience. Huge smiles surrounded feelings of achievement, surprise, joy and empowerment.

A daunting sheet of white, blank card was transformed in a day into a mandala. Individual, unique, amazing – that is Mandala Magic.

Curiosity calls you to care about yourself.

FREE MANDALA WEEK 12

Self sabotage - we all do it at one time or another. I painted this mandala at a time when i was dealing with my fear of success and how that played out in my business.

BLUE SCARAB MANDALA

‘For me personally it is because I get an awful amount of success and I don't think I deserve it and then I want to sabotage it.’             Michael Parkinson

SABOTAGE

The Egyptian Scarabaeus beetle, is the symbol of self-generation, resurrection and renewal of the human soul. Green, health scarabs were placed next to the heart of a mummified body for protection from evil during the journey to the afterlife. They were assurance that a person’s heart would not testify against them during the weighing up of good and evil deeds following death. Often they were placed in the mouth of the deceased so that they would not speak against themselves. Scarab shapes were written in by scribes because they were an amulet for good fortune and protection.

The blue scarab mandala asks you to be aware of your inner saboteur – that part of the self that whispers doubts in your ears, preventing you from going forward holding you back with fear. The scarab beetle is about protecting ourselves from self-destructive behaviors that rob us from living a full life. Not everything about ourselves is likeable or perfect. If we focus only on our imperfections we are looking for excuses not to reach our full potential. We betray our own self.

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FREE MANDALA WEEK 11

THE JEWEL AND THE DRAGON MANDALA

‘As much of heaven is visible as we have eyes to see.’ William Winter, poet.

HIDDEN POTENTIAL

The jewel and the dragon mandala encourages us to embark on our quest in life….to seek out and discover that which is most precious to us. There is magic in life, and if we look at the world through eyes of mystery and wonder then anything is possible. A tiny acorn can, and does, grow into a massive oak tree that lives for hundreds of years. Throughout life we experience many cycles of change just like the oak tree endures the constantly changing seasons. Each cycle creates another bark ring in the girth of the trunk recording our experience and growth. After many seasons our roots can reach deeply into the dark wisdom of the earth, feeding us with support and knowledge. We expand, moving upwards and outwards, our great canopy reaching out to bathe in the light.

Dragons are powerful guardians protecting the mysteries of life. They portray the courage and strength needed to follow through with our visions of achieving success and creating abundance and prosperity. The central dragon sleeps on the amethyst - the jewel that clarifies dreams and strengthens the connection to our inner wisdom and intuition. Your dreams, wishes and hopes need to be protected from doubt and fear or they will not grow into their full potential. They will remain but dreams.

Believe and be inspired by what you dream of having or doing with your life. Trust your inner voice urging you to take the risk, go forward, and give it a try.  You have worked hard, learned a lot, acquiring valuable wisdom and experience. This is not blind faith, rather an inner urge to expand, to accumulate wealth and reap the benefits of your labors. You are ready.

 

 

TURQUOISE

I am hungry for the colour turquoise and I see it everywhere I go. Inspired I have used it throughout my garden. Love it!! I looked up what that might mean and decided that turquoise is perfect right now.

According to empower yourself with colour psychology, turquoise helps to open the lines of communication between the heart and the spoken word. It presents as a friendly and happy color enjoying life.

In color psychology, turquoise controls and heals the emotions creating emotional balance and stability. In the process it can appear to be on an emotional roller coaster, up and down, until it balances itself.

THE ART OF STORY TELLING

Everyone has a story. We love telling them and we love hearing them. Stories are about sharing. It is through our sharing that we become wiser, gain deeper understanding, become more inspired, and better equipped to become all that we can be.

Art is a limitless, creative method of expression used to share our stories. Be it a painting, a dance, a song, a movie or a sculpture (or more), we can be moved, deeply touched to laugh, cry or think. Art reaches deep into our being and opens up emotions, responses and experiences. It awakens our inner self to feel. From the minute detail to the big picture art gets it. Art knows it and we know it.

Art is what comes out of everyone from a diverse spectrum of talent. It has unlimited potential. And everyone is an artist! These awesome mandalas were created by two mothers and their daughters. They tell a special story of connection. They share something unique. There is no need for more words.

Talking about art ....

As artists, it is our responsibility to inspire ourselves to inspire others to inspire change.
Ricky Lee Gordon

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
Pablo Picasso



WEEK 10 FREE MANDALA

ELEPHANT WALK MANDALA

‘The miracle is not to fly in the air or walk on the water; but to walk on the earth.’                                                                                                  Chinese proverb

CHANGE THE PATTERN
Seen as the bringer of hope freeing us from endless cycles of the sufferings of life, the white elephant is revered as sacred.

Suffering is part of the human experience. Our physical body suffers hunger, cold, and pain and we suffer emotionally through hurt, betrayal, and loneliness. Being consumed by the constant demands of life one can feel a sense of loss, an emptiness, and alone. Such demands may seem never ending and can take from us our vitality and joy in ‘life’. The green temples are symbolic of sheltering and protecting your body and mind with a balanced diet and positive thoughts, so that you can heal.

The four white elephants in this mandala are turning the circle of time to remind you that nothing is permanent, not even suffering.  Renowned for their long memories, power and strength they show you that slowly and steadily you will find your way.  You have what it takes to do it. There is an opportunity to break free from a pattern that repeats itself in your life. You can push through even the greatest of obstacles and reconnect with your vitality, happiness and joy to live the life that you planned to have.

AFFIRMATION: I chose to let go of hesitation and find my way through, around, over or under any obstacle to create a new and fulfilling life.

WEEK 9 FREE MANDALA

For me change is exciting and requires work. That creative urge to try something new, go on an adventure, to re-arrange the house, to experience something different....to explore something within myself and visit parts of myself that I do not know well. This mandala is about that.

MERMAID SONG MANDALA

‘Change is part of every life. Resisting is often as futile as it is frustrating.’ Anonymous

Water is seen as the source of life itself. As a fluid it moves in the path of least resistance, symbolizing wise action. It represents the power of adaptability and transition, because it is able to change from liquid, to solid, to vapour and back again. Water is symbolic of emotion, intuition and the interconnected flow of energy within all living things. Energy is in a constant state of movement.

The cold blooded fish and the warm blooded human are joined to create the Mermaid. Symbolically she tempts you to explore opposing parts of your personality, and to connect with them.

Seductive and charming, mermaids live in water and lure you with their irresistible song. They are persuading you to risk deeper emotions, risk diving into the subconscious and other primitive realms of your mental perception and to re-emerge with that wisdom. This is a natural process just as breathing is to the mermaid who returns to the surface for air.

Even though the primitive parts of your nature are challenging, you find yourself fascinated and drawn to encounter them just as you find yourself fascinated or attracted to others holding those qualities. You are ready to emotionally accept those contrasting emotions, ideas and urges within. This gives you the knowledge to make different choices in your relationships. You are adapting beautifully to the present changes in your life.

 

AFFIRMATION: I am ready for a deeper and more fulfilling love in my life where I accept and am accepted for all that I am.

 

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SELF EMPLOYMENT AND THE ART-IS-iT

Art is a labor of love.

There is no ‘easy’ in that statement, but there is a lot of fun.

Being self-employed is not just having a dream and putting in when everything is going well.It is an endurance test, a test of self-discipline, a test on you - personally.

One of the best things of being a self employed artist is the choice of when and how I work.  but it can be one of the aspects that can sabotage even my best intentions. It is easy to work when I am inspired and motivated, things are going well and I want to be creative. That is not always the case.

When you are employed by someone else you have your schedule and tasks laid out for you, and your daily routine is set. Eg. 9am – 5pm hours with a lunch and coffee breaks and the jobs that must be attended to during the day. There are other employees to help out and offer support, to socialize or share ideas with. Money matters, such as superannuation, sick and holiday pay, insurance and tax are taken care of by the employer. Websites and other media and marketing are often managed by someone else. Even the general cleaning , occupational health and safety matters of your work environment are attended to by your employer.

For me, the self employed artist is very different because I have to deal with ALL that and more. There is not the option of cruising along working when I “feel the urge” or the “creative juices are flowing” if I want my art to succeed. Making my passion into a business has never meant sitting back and letting it all happen. Although wasting time, and making excuses doesn’t seem to cause any immediate pain it creates a lot of drama for me later on. There is always the opportunity to learn more as well as keep working on creating.

My advice is that if you wish to produce lots of incredible artwork and become a successful artist making a living of your passion, you need a great deal of self-discipline and motivation. Good support really helps and deciding what you can realistically manage. Source those that can professionally assist you, such as a good book keeper and an accountant.

Live your dream I say. Be motivated and choose to be organized. Be productive and see your art as your serious business. It is worth it!

WEEK 8 FREE MANDALA CARD

FIVE WHITE EAGLES MANDALA

”Footprints on the sands of time are not made by sitting down.” Proverb

MOVING ON

This mandala represents change. It is when we ask “Is this all there is?” It is a time when we question our place in life. It may mean a change in job, moving house, travel or relationships.  It can also mean breaking free from limiting situations or beliefs and opening up to new ideas and experiences.

Eagles embody the courage to let go of our limited perspectives, release ourselves from comfortable thought patterns and situations and fly out into the unknown. View your life from an aerial perspective searching for new opportunities and solutions. Do not let the little things get in the way of your bigger dream.

 The five white eagles move outward and embedded in them is a golden heart. This movement comes from a space where you were comfortable. What you needed to experience, acquire or learn from that space has been achieved. It is held in your heart and cannot be lost, only built upon. Further growth necessitates movement, to move outward and expand and discover more in your life. Create a new relationship, a new job, move house, travel or begin changes to improve your health and wellbeing.

WEEK SEVEN FREE MANDALA CARD

I wonder at the inner voice that speaks to me - clearly there is a speaker & a listener. I recognize there are different parts to who I am. Some of them are complimentary, some are at odds with each other and some are just not that nice, and yet somehow 'we' work together.


MERMAID SONG MANDALA

‘Change is part of every life. Resisting is often as futile as it is frustrating.’

Anonymous

TRANSITION. ADAPTATION.

Water is seen as the source of life itself. As a fluid it moves in the path of least resistance, symbolizing wise action. It represents the power of adaptability and transition, because it is able to change from liquid, to solid, to vapor and back again. Water is symbolic of emotion, intuition and the interconnected flow of energy within all living things. Energy is in a constant state of movement.

The cold blooded fish and the warm blooded human are joined to create the Mermaid. Symbolically she tempts you to explore opposing parts of your personality, and to connect with them.

Seductive and charming, mermaids live in water and lure you with their irresistible song. They are persuading you to risk deeper emotions, risk diving into the subconscious and other primitive realms of your mental perception and to re-emerge with that wisdom. This is a natural process just as breathing is to the mermaid who returns to the surface for air.

 

Even though the primitive parts of your nature are challenging, you find yourself fascinated and drawn to encounter them just as you find yourself fascinated or attracted to others holding those qualities. You are ready to emotionally accept those contrasting emotions, ideas and urges within. This gives you the knowledge to make different choices in your relationships. You are adapting beautifully to the present changes in your life.





“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science.”
Albert Einstein, The World As I See It